Urgh from Mobile

Well I should be sound asleep as I have a hella long day ahead. But right now I dont know if I am more excited, or terrified. I have had this lingering "I am meaningless" feeling for the last few months that has got worst the last few weeks. I am having a lot of family problems. Most of my biological wants nothing to do with me after the courts settled uncle`s estate. And recently my great-uncle died and no-one contacted me even when he was sick--I found-out from the obituary in the newspaper. And with my adoptive family, two of my adoptive sisters have decided that after over 15 years that I am not family. So there was a fight about me attending a family reunion, & I did not have Thanksgiving dinner. And I havent done anything besides being myself to deserve it. Then a friend removed me from everything. Like yeah there was RP crap, but I still thought that we were friends. So I just keep seeming to have a confirmation of the "I am disposable, and easy to bullshit, because I am a messed-up worthless person".

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Balance and Bravery from Mobile

I am sitting on the bus up to Hal-Con. And I am wearing my Guthix shirt. I am Guthixian, or as much as one can apply it to the real-world. Things Balance out. But right now I am terrified. I just seem to have confirmations that I am crap or meaningless, just because I am me. So much adoptive & biological family drama + disowning, a supposed friend deleting me from everything. All done seemingly so easy. Which has almost completely drained my socialaility & want to be online. I havent felt this low in a very long time. But I am going to try to stay brave. And hope that this weekend is awesome ADVENTURE and that the friends I am meeting want to hang-out with me. ...If not, well I Balance someone else who is fantastic then. And at least this will be a vacation! With swimming. Still I dont know if I am more excited, or more afraid.

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Another from Mobile

Well doing a lot better from my low but panicked state of the morning. Still a bit down over things, and I have a lot on my mind, but I am relieved thing are so well!

We walked to the Delta from the bus stop, and then I checked-in. Then turned my convention ticket in and got my bracelet. It is neon green. After lunch (I had KFC which was good except the sauce on my wrap was pure pepper, and my salad tasted off so I didnt eat it) we wandered the vendor area and I bought a Link hat. Then we parted and I came back to my room. I dressed as Andromeda Shun and walked around with Jeremy.

Now I am off to go bother Linnet & Lan, then hopefully dinner and/or swimming. I really want to go swimming!

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