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HowlxPreciousxStink
Mar. 6th, 2008 03:14 amI am sitting here staring at mt little Kio user-picture and drinking a Rose's Shirley Temple. I am eating one of my favourite snacks -Clover Leaf Tuna Salad & crackers [which doesn't leave that icky, cloying fishy taste (the reason I don't like canned tuna) in my mouth and is delicious]- and crying some of the very few tears of happiness I've cried in my interior life. I'm shaking with emotion, but not the overwhelming negative emotion it has been.
I was at first going to post about how WONDERFUL "Howl's Moving Castle" was. Go! Go! Go! Read it NOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!~♥ It had action, and a plot-twist I didn't expect. It even had a happy romantic ending that didn't make me cry in anguish for a change. I even listened to "You and I" by Yes! for the first time in a long time without wanting to collapse in tears. That book is probably the best damn book I have read in years. I need to read the sequel, though I'm worried it won't have awesome & sexy Howl in it.
When I saw the movie I was extremely happy about it. Howl hit my 'what is sexy' spot and yet had that cockiness I love-to-hate in it (yes Lestat). He looked like a spitting image of what I picture my character Zinnian to look like, but was full of his own super awesomeness. It made me remember the joy I had watching "Kiki's Delivery Service" when I was little. I certainly is a compliment to the book.
I am demanding a copy of the book to own myself for my birthday. I also want the movie :P
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I was only up this late due to wanting to finish the 2nd half of the book. I have around 6 hours to sleep until I want to get-up to get ready for my psychiatric appointment tomorrow morning. If every night I felt this stable I wouldn't be needing it and would cancel it. However that is not how it is and I feel like a horrible person. Despite having such awesome people that care about me I still think of killing myself.
Armadei told me I was precious to her tonight. No one has EVER told me that before. Not even Matt when all was good. No one has no idea how being told that is making me feel. I so, so, so, so, so, badly want to be right there with her right now. Not the selfish reason that; 'I want her right now so I can feel better about myself'. I want to be near her because I matter to her. Because I want to be there for her to make her feel like she is makign me feel. 'Precious' is not the same as saying 'important' to me. 'Precious' means to me someone/something is so dear to you that not only is it important, it is also a part of you. Now I may be reading too far into that, but still it makes me feel like my existence matters. I wouldn't even call myself precious to myself so that says a lot.
If I'm asked if I have any goals or what makes me happy I'm going to say seeing or talking to my friends, especially one awesome person in America.
No one knows how whole I feel for the first time in a long time. I'm not complete yet, but I'm no longer empty. It feels so wonderful.
Despite how crappy my day has been, I am not as afraid to face what will be tomorrow as I was.
I just hope we pass the Inspection and that Tanis doesn't maim me.
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My garbage can also needs to be cleaned like whoa. It smells soooooooo bad when it is openned (despite not having much in it)!
